This month has been a fight, a battle. And I'm feeling banged up, spinning out of control, in need of rest and recovery. In need of a cave to hide in with a stack of light hearted novels to escape into...
But hiding doesn't solve anything.
The only solution is to go out and face the world head on; with as much strength and grace possible. Then go home at night to bandage up the wounds and pray for more strength the next day.
And the strength always seems to come when it's absolutely necessary. Hope always returns when I feel myself sinking or getting overwhelmed with the big decisions I have to make. Whether its through the sweet words of my boys, a friend, the scriptures, or a song. And Monday it came through a song; good ol' Simon and Garfunkel never fail me. I was driving when their song, The Boxer, came on. A song I memorized as a kid. And the last verse gets me every time:
In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of ev'ry glove that layed him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
"I am leaving, I am leaving"
But the fighter still remains
How easy it is to throw in the towel and quit when the fight gets too hard. Wouldn't it be nice to just stay in bed and excape in those novels day after day and avoid the fight? Avoid the decisions that have to be made?
It seems the Lord is constantly testing me to what extent I will fight for my kid. And I always come away reminded, "Whatever it takes."
So this month, I am the Boxer.