The Secret Garden Fire-Fly

Race loves performing. He isn't shy at all. What he doesn't like is dressing up like a fire-fly... (a girl costume, he called it).

The week after Day Camp, the Missoula Children's Theatre came to town once again. Witten and Race both tried out, but Witt got cut. He was actually very relieved. Totally not his thing:

When he didn't hear his name called he said, "Did I get cut?"
"I think so."
"Oh. Can we go swimming now?"

Like I said, he could have cared less.

But Race made it. And had a great time...except for the costume, of course.

Race and his friend Emily were both in the show.

Race with all the other fire-fly's. He was the only boy in his group.

The entire cast of The Secret Garden.

Another year down. Race once again won for the high ticket sales. And, I secretly keep hoping he doesn't want to try out again, because the week just seems to be very stressful for the both of us. But, we'll see.

The things you do for your kids, right?

Day Camp on the Verde

Well, here's more catching up. Now that we're home-schooling (and I can't wait to post about how well it's going), I've had little time for my fabulous blog:

June was jammed with fun. At the beginning of June, Race and I went to Day Camp. We had a blast. It was hot. We were exhausted. And somehow I got talked into being a den mother to 12 eight year old boys when I was only supposed to being a walk-along-mother... talk about an adventure.

Race loves scouts. He loves earning badges and having a book to keep track of his achievements. He's a very self-motivated scout, and for that I'm happy.

We both made some new friends:

Race and Bryson

Janelle and I co-piloted the den. We were a great team!

We are cool! Tigers rule!

Baby Toys

My son Witten is an amazing boy. He cracks jokes. He is constantly making me smile. He is such a happy kid. I love to sneak up on him in the middle of him pretending and...  just listen. I hide behind the wall and listen to the amazing imagination of his. The way he talks to his toys and how his room is this secret place where magic happens. He reminds me so much of myself when I was a kid.

Imagination is a piece of childhood I miss, and I ache for it. As a writer, I often wish I could rewind 25 years and remember all those big ideas I had as a kid and write them all down.

One day this past year, Witt had a friend over from school. And he was so eager to show his friend his room; his magical place where he plays with his trains and dinosaurs. The place where his army men and hot wheels cars set up camp behind the stuffed animals that are temporarily used for mountains. He couldn’t wait for his friend to see it all.

So you could imagine the hurt I felt when, not long into their playing, I heard the little friend tell Witt, “You play with baby toys.” I held my breath as I sat at the kitchen table cutting up watermelon. I waited to hear what Witt would say.

“I don’t play with baby toys. Trains aren’t baby toys.”

“Yes they are.”

The conversation passed. And the boys got to playing something else as boys do. And I wasn’t going to bring it up. No big deal.

Until later that afternoon when the friend had gone home. Race was in the living room laughing his head off at an episode of Diego and I was folding laundry. Witt brought me a shoebox filled with his Thomas Trains. He had a look on his face that was trying to be real grown up. He was fighting back the tears when he said, “I don’t need these anymore. I’m going to give them to Lane.”

“Well,” I said as I put the laundry down. “That’s very nice of you, Cowboy. But I’m confused. You love your trains.”

It took him a second to say, “They’re baby toys.”

I wanted to scoop my little Cowboy up and hug him. But I could tell he was all business. “Who thinks they’re baby toys. You? Or somebody else?”

He didn’t answer, but started to cry instead.

“You know what I think?” I asked him as I scooped him in for a big mommy hug.

“What?”

“I think you love your trains and who cares what anybody thinks about it.”

He just cried and hugged me back.

“You love your trains, Witt.”

“Yes, I don’t want to give them to Lane,” he cried.

The conversation went on for a bit before Witten eventually climbed off my lap and went back to his magical bedroom to set up his train tracks.  I sat at the table filled with mixed emotions. I stared across the room at Race who was once again busting up laughing because of something one of the animals on Diego did.  And as I watched Race, I listened to Witt escape again into his imagination and start talking to his trains.

At first I thought, how dare some kid come into my home, and just like that, have such an influence on my Cowboy. Enough influence to make him lose a bit of his childhood. Just like that.

And how easily influenced my little man is! I mean, he’s only five!

I sat and watched Race laugh some more. My eight year old boy sat in front of the TV and laughed his heart away at a silly cartoon. He could care less about what anybody thought of that. He loved Diego. So what if it was a baby show.

And I thought to myself... if only we could all be like that. Not care about what people think. And in that moment, for just a moment, because it might change in the future... but in that moment, for some things, it might be easier to be autistic.

Race has never cared what people think. He likes what he likes. It’s that simple.

But Witt... as I mentioned earlier, we’re a lot alike. Because as a kid, I cared way too much about what others thought.  And it sucked. It’s wrong that my five year old boy feels like he has to change something about himself because somebody else said something stupid to him. And it breaks my heart that a few words said by a friend has to make my kid lose a little bit of his childhood.

And at that moment I preferred dealing with the autism than the struggles I knew my developmentally normal child would have to face time and time again.

Climb Every Mountain...

Ha ha! Bet you thought this was going to be an autism post didn't you!

Well, it's not.

It's a laundry post. You know the pile of clean laundry you dump on your bed so you're sure to fold it, but by the end of the exhausting day, this is what happens (ignore the lack of door trim around the door. It's a work in progress, people):

And then it sits there for three more days.

And then it becomes part of the bedroom furniture... can you spy the sleeping boy?

Here's a better picture:

Until finally, after a week of picking through the pile for sock matches and underwear, we get back into the system:

And it's just amazing how life is so much more manageable when the laundry's done.

It's Time to Write about It...

I've been avoiding this post. For a couple months now. And I think I can do it, now that I've had some time and distance with everything. Time for thinking, time for prayer and finding a new plan. Time to recharge my battery; because what happened took everything I had.

Back in March, John and I had decided not to re-enroll Race in the school he was at for the following year. We decided to finish out the year and start fresh in August with a new plan.

We never even made it till the end of the year.

Because what do you do when your kid starts regressing? When he starts losing the strong foundation you worked so hard to attain?

What do you do when your happy, loving kid starts coming home angry and is getting hurt on the playground?

 What do you do when your kid's IEP isn't being followed through on now matter how much you try to advocate?

How can you justify getting a babysitter for your two year old so you can go to school with your eight year old to make sure he's getting what he needs?

What do you do when your gut is telling you this isn't working?

You pull him out. You listen to your gut.

And you get a new plan.

The Newest White Belt

So, its official. Look who's the newest white belt in town:



That would be me.

Social Lists

I’m a list person.

 I’ve always been, even as a kid. The birthday wish lists and Christmas lists turned into what to pack on basketball and track trips, grade breakdowns in my classes (I need to get a 93% on the US History test if I want to keep the A in class), etc. In college it turned to grocery lists and still grade breakdowns and daily schedules. As a teacher it was lists of student names: which kids I was specifically focusing on that day, for whatever reason. And as a mother, I have my daily lists of to do’s.

I’m a list person.

I went to an autism conference this April. April was a hard month for me. It was about two weeks before I pulled Race out of the school he was attending (another story for another day).  I had been sinking into that place again, that place within myself I go to cry and worry. That place I go when I don’t have a plan and have to turn to my Lorazepam to sleep at night. It’s the place I go when I have nothing on my list.

So on this specific Saturday in April, I drove up the mountain to Flagstaff. It was snowing. I didn’t know if I’d be able to get down the hill by the end of the day, but I didn’t care. I was running from that place within myself, desperately seeking answers. \

I went through the day at the conference. I saw a lot of familiar faces and met a lot of great people. I went to every breakout topic that applied to our family. It was all great, helpful information. Some new information, much I’ve heard before; but not what I was needing. Nothing that was pulling me out of that hopeless state. And then I walked into David Hamrick’s “Sleep Issues for People with Autism.” Because the “ABC’s of Autism” and “how to take meaningful data and write objective IEP goals” were sounding exhausting at the time. And the crazy thing was, I went in there knowing Race doesn’t have sleep issues. Thank goodness. I hear so many kids on the spectrum do. So, why was I walking into this class? Well, the presenter sounded interesting. David Hamrick was a 32-year old man with high-functioning autism and worked as a meteorologist for the National Weather Service in Washington, D.C.  I wanted to meet him.

I watched him as he presented. And I fought back the tears the entire time. It was like fast forwarding time 25 years and seeing Race standing before a group of people talking about one of his obsessions. In the case of Mr. Hamrick, it was his job: studying and creating weather maps. It was so fascinating. He spoke with such clarity, but he never looked anyone in the eye. People filed in with snacks because it was late in the day, and he let us know the sound of people chewing their food gives him anxiety. His ears were sensitive, his hearing was on overdrive. Just like Race. He smiled all the time; just like Race. And really, the hour that I spent in there, only about 10 minutes covered sleep issues for people on the spectrum. The rest of the time, he talked about his work and his lists.

He was a list person.

His first list was called, Etiquette Fundamentals. And it went like this:

Manners 101:

·         Hold the door for a lady

·         If you ask, you pay

·         Be on time for a date

·         Don’t walk ahead

·         Turn off your cell phone

·         Call when you say you will

·         No sudden romantic advances

Manners 102:

·         Offer your coat to a lady if she is cold

·         Help a lady with her seat

·         Leave a 15-20% tip

·         Don’t dominate the conversation

·         Share your umbrella

·         Drive safely

·         Never use car horn when you arrive

Mr. Hamrick made lists for every social situation he might encounter in his day. The lists were amazing. And I instantly knew why I needed to be sitting in “Sleep Issues for People with Autism.”

So now, Race and I sit down together before we go somewhere and make a social list. And we add to the list as we run into social obstacles.  Our first list was easy:

How to Handle Your Anger:

1.      Stop. Count to ten. Take a deep breath, or walk away until you have calmed down.

2.      Say. What’s wrong. Use your words to say what you don’t like.

3.      Tell. What you would like to have happen.

Race carries this list in his pocket. And it helps.

Another list:

Social Rules at the Pool:

·         Walk

·         Pay attention to splashing. Some people don’t like it. Watch their expression.

·         Don’t hang on people.

·         No diving in the shallow end

·         Playing pool games with other kids: what kind of game is it, who is playing the game, ask to play with them and their toy. What if they say no?

Even though the last one, Playing pool games, probably sounds a bit jumbled and may not make sense, it is very helpful to Race and I. For example, what kind of game is it? Race has to pay attention to, are they playing tag? Are they playing keep away? Are they playing catch? If they’re playing catch, I’m not going to take the ball and run with it am I?

The lists have been helping. We have them for Tae Kwon Do, Church, Library, etc. They help because Race is a visual learner. And he memorizes. So the time we take to sit and write out a list helps put those abstract social concepts into a concrete way of looking at them. And we add to the list as needed, like if we had a social incident at the pool. Before we head out the door to the pool the next day, we pack our list and he reads it to me on the drive over.

So now, Race is a list person. We’ll use the strategy until it doesn’t work anymore.

 If that day ever comes.

Juggling

My students from my first year of teaching graduated this May.

I can't believe it.

I went to a couple graduations and cheered super loud for my kiddo's.

Sara and I drove down to Queen Creek to see Kristie graduate and hang out with the Steele family for the evening.  Sara was Kristie's 4th grade teacher and I student taught under Sara that year. Then, the next year, Kristie was in my 5th grade class. My first year as a real teacher.

I was so blessed to have Sara as my Supervising Teacher when I student taught. I was pregnant with Race at the time, plus working full time at a therapeutic boarding school.  She stood by me when I had to run out of the class to puke (morning sickness), and taught me not only how to do all those great things you're supposed to learn when you student teach, but she also taught me through her example, how to love the kids more. How to love people more. She's got the biggest heart of anybody I know.

I'm so grateful to still have her in my life today. We love you Grandma Sara!!! You're one of my hero's, and I want to be just like you when I grow up.

We love you Kristie,

We love you Steele Family.

We miss you!

It was a sad day for the Verde Valley when you left.

The world would be a better place if there were more families like you!

My  first kiddo's.

I will never forget that first year teaching. It was one of the hardest years of my life, but so blessed at the same time. I was a new mom, with a new job. Juggling all the newness was overwhelming at times. I had so many people cheering me on as I worried and lost sleep over these kids. As I tried to move each one of them forward, individually with what they needed. With what they brought to the table. Like all teachers today, I had kids from good, solid homes. Then I had kids from broken homes, living in cars down by the river. I had kids who knew what respect and honesty were. Then there were those who didn't. There were the kids who had self-worth. And even some who had so much of it, there was a sense of entitlement about them. And then there were the kids who had none. They all had diverse strengths and weaknesses. Many had families where academics was a priority. Then there were those who didn't. And then there were those who just came to school to have something stable in their lives and something to eat for lunch.

Like all of us, they each had their individual trials. And their individual gifts. And something amazing to offer the world. I still hope they all do.

Every day was a juggling act. Each day was a stretch. And every day pushed me to be a better person.

Teaching is tricky, teaching is an art we strive to perfect. Child by child. Just like being a mother.

I love all my kiddo's, and I only hope I inspired them as much as they inspired me.

The Aborigine and the Avatar

I live in a house of men, so it's always nice getting some girl time. So when the boys were at the lake, Adriane and I had a slumber party. A real slumber party like the ones you have when you're 14. Good food, cheesy chick flicks, pedicures, facials and lots of talk.

I love my friend.

Can you guess who's the Aborigine and who's the Avatar?

Theodore Roosevelt Lake

John, Race and Witt went down to Roosevelt for Father-Sons this year. And John's brother Jim met them down there with his boat. They had a blast, doing some serious bass fishing. Thanks SO much Uncle Jim, the boys can't wait to do it again!

Witten was in his element down on the lake. He loves being outdoors. I can't wait till this kid can be in cub scouts. He is one serious outdoors-man.

Race has a soft spot for life and a hard time with death. So, John learned the hard way that you can't use bluegill as bate when Race is fishing with you. No live bate allowed. Lures only to avoid autistic meltdowns.

And did you know that Roosevelt Lake was named for the Theodore Roosevelt Dam which was named for the  26th U.S. President  who dedicated the dam himself in March 1911? Just ask Race, he'll tell you all about it. :)

Today, he's Ninja Turtle

Lane has quite the imagination. Every day he's someone different; and sometimes I have a hard time keeping track of his identity. On any given day, he could be Zelda, or Batman, Bowser Jr., Jedi Lane or Spy Mouse. And you are to call him by the specific name, whatever it may be that day. Or he doesn't respond. Last week at my parents, he was a sweet kitty cat that quickly transformed into an angry rooster that pecked.

But on this day, his name was Ninja Turtle. And he wore the mask everywhere... even to the Greek restaurant that evening. And you can't call him Lane. You call him Ninja Turtle.

So, if you see any of these guys around saving the world from bad guys, just know that they live at my house:

Batman:

 Bowser Jr.

and Zelda. Yes, I know this isn't Zelda, but trust me, if you've ever seen Lane strut around the house being Zelda, you would know he means Link. 

 And definitely not this princess.

And then of course, there's the Ninja Turtle:



Witten Knows Lots of Stuff

I've said it hundreds of times in the past. I love Montessori. The Montessori Children's House has been the best little place for my boys and we're so grateful Witten gets to be there one more year.

The school had it's end of the year program and it was so wonderful as usual. We always look forward to the teacher's spotlight on the individual kids. Here is what Ms. Janet said about Witt:

Witten is one of the most single minded students I have seen. If he gets interested in something or wants to do something he doesn't forget about it, he keeps working at it until he figures it out. He was one of only a few students to tackle the Roman Arch and kept practicing it. He learned the names of all the Geometric Solids and knew the reward for that was cutting up a Toblerone bar and sharing it with the class. He is very inquisitive and likes to see how things work. He had a test of his patience and perseverance this month when he had to get out all the tiles for the hundreds board, organize them and put them in order. He stuck with it and learned it wasn't as hard as it looked. Keep up the persistence Witten!

Witten with Ms. Janet:

Witt with Ms. Jyoti:

I tell Witten practically every day, "I don't know what I'd do without you, kid." And its true. Witten keeps my spirits light. He cracks jokes and is our funny guy around the house. He's also my big helper. He loves to cook with me, work outside with Daddy and I, and loves the companionship of his brothers.

One of my favorite things about the Cowboy is that he loves to learn. He loves knowledge.

One day after school this past year, Witt came home and told me, "Did you know water gives you an hour of energy and the juice box's you send in my lunch EVERY DAY only give me five minutes of energy?"

"Really? Well, water is good for you."

"Yeah, so I don't need those juice box's anymore. I'm just going to drink water."

So, being the supportive mother that I am, I went out and bought those mini water bottles to send in his lunch box.

And that worked for a little while until he came home a few weeks later and said, "Mom, you know those water bottles you send in my lunch? Well, they're made plastic which is really bad if you don't recycle..."

So of course, being the supportive mother that I am, we now make a better effort to recycle.

Then a few weeks later, Witt came home with tons to tell me about UV rays and the sun and how he needs sunscreen that has at least SPF 30.

"You think you need to wear it every day hu?"

"Yep."

"Every day?"

"Every day."

"Witt, you wear a hat every day to school. And I put sunscreen on you whenever we're outside for a long  time."

"Mom, I AM a red head. And I do not need skin cancer on my rear-end like you."   (AND for the record, it wasn't full out skin cancer, and I don't remember telling him about the pre-cancer mole, he must have been eavesdropping on a phone conversation or something... AND, for the record, it was from fake and baking as a teenager. Tanning beds are SO BAD for you!!)

"How'd you get so stinkin' smart?"

"I go to school, Mom."



He's a Wolf

Here's another reason Race has been counting down the days till he turned eight:

He gets to be in Cub Scouts.

I think I'm almost as excited as Race is that he's in finally in scouts. Why is he super excited? Well, he's been dragged to day camps and pack meetings pretty much all his life with John and I always helping out our dear friends the Guys with scouting. We miss you Guy family!!!! And the scouts of the Verde Valley miss you too!!

Also, he's got some other role models in his life who were also scouts:

His Uncle Tanner recieved his Eagle shortly after turning 14 years old.

And look at this awesome picture I found at my parents house. Its my Daddy when he was a Cub Scout.

I'm so grateful for the Scouting Program and the impact it has had on my family. Scouting is a good thing. John will tell you that being in scouts was one of the things that kept him out of trouble as a kid. And Heaven knows there was pleanty of trouble for that boy to get into.

If only we all could take the Cub Scout Promise and apply it daily in our lives, whatever our situation may be:

I Teddy,

promise to do my best

To do my duty to God and my country,

To help other people, and

To obey the Law of the Pack.

I'm so excited that Race is so excited about scouting.

Bird Watchers

We call the old golf course our wildlife preserve. Since the economy hit bottom, our neighborhood has as well. And the funny thing is, I don't mind at all. I'd much rather have fields of wildlife than golfers swearing at eachother, the neighborhood cars being hit by golf balls, golfers teeing off from my yard and leaving cigarette butts all over the place. A wildlife preserve is much better, despite the fact that my property value totally stinks since the golf course went under. We love our wildlife preserve.

Since the golfers have left, we have seen many kinds of birds move into the area. We have a mama blue herring and a nest of babies, cardinals, Mexican Eagles (that hang out around our house because of our chickens), crows of course, the Canadian Geese every fall and early spring, ducks in the ponds, humming birds, doves, quail, and turkey vultures. It is an amazing bird habitat.

Here, the turkey vultures are sunning themselves in the morning sun.

And the field scientist and the researcher see how close they can get to them.

The field scientist always seems to get the closest before they fly away.



One of Race's new favorite books that sits right by his World Altlas at night is his bird encyclopedia put out by Reader's Digest. Birds: Their Life. Their Ways. Their World. So while Race is perfectly happy studying the birds from books and the computer, Witt is all hands on.

And then there's Lane, who can pretend to be any bird you like. Just ask him what a rooster looks like; he'll show you.

I love my little Bird Watchers.